The studio really wants Fairuza Balk to play Kim Spew the Line so let’s make that happen. Kim Spew thinks being non-binary means that someone is allergic to bananas. She thinks the AC is in league with Chiquita, Dole Food Company, and Del Monte to eradicate all non- binaries since those not eating bananas are diminishing corporate profits. This scene will have her in her room upstairs at her mom’s house. Her ex recently booted her out, forcing her to move back home. Let’s really highlight how strained Kim’s relationship is with her mom who we’ve already confirmed will be played by Kathy Griffin. Kim also has a secret fetish where she fucks herself with bananas while she squeals and chirps like a Capuchin monkey.

Since we’ll be ripping on the non-binary condition here, let’s issue a trigger warning on set for this scene. The key grip and the gaffer both suffer from this condition as well as at least three others in wardrobe so let’s play this right. We don’t need Studio Woke’s top brass coming down on us here.

We’ll open the scene with Kim writing in her diary that she bought from the online Neogenian grift market. As she writes in it, Fairuza Balk will be narrating the words for the audience. Since Kim will be in a miniskirt while she sits at her desk, let’s make sure Ms. Balk doesn’t shave from the waist down for at least a few weeks before filming. I want to go for a sort of brutal realism here, invoking a subtle anxious depravity in the viewer that will climax at the end of the scene when Kim Spew makes herself airtight with three Del Monte bananas her mom picked up at Walgreens.

Now my vision for the score is this: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross team up with a Romanian rubber band string quartet and record, in the key of C minor, a diminishing syncopated sterile polyrhythm that founders on an unresolved Tristan chord. The reason for this approach is simple. I want to detonate apoplexy in the listener. The sheer degeneracy of the Neogenian will invoke degrees of nausea that haven’t even been acknowledged yet by modern medicine. And for provocative effect, we shall have this movement recorded in Bunker 5 on Epstein Island. The movement will unfold over the course of Kim’s diary entry leading up to her conflict with her mom, at which point the audience will have been rendered functionally (but not ontologically) retarded.

I’ve also set up a meeting with our non-binary key grip and our non- binary gaffer to discuss the lighting for this scene as my vision is exotic, to say the least. As stated, Kim will be in her room at her desk where her only source of natural light is through a single window located at the starboard side of her IKEAN ASKVOLL twin bed. The time of day will be high noon. I want to imply a submersive experience for the audience, as though they are slowly drowning with Kim in her abject stupidity. Therefore, the light shining into the room will be refracted through a 500-gallon water tank. The walls of the tank will be constructed with boron-enriched Pyrex glass. And here, if I may, is where I flex my genius. The fluid medium will consist of RuPaul’s piss, sampled from his Wyoming ranch during months of consecutive cocaine benders with his partner and the all-male, homosexual fracking crew they’ve been housing as they exploit the ground for hydrocarbons. Through this fluid medium will shine two Spyder 3 ArcticBlue lasers, wielded by our resident gaffer themself. On Kim’s desk will shine a three-pronged candelabrum that she acquired from the Neogenian grift market for shadow saison. The candles will, of course, be scented.

Since Studio Woke is hellbent on making their inclusivity quota this quarter, the cameraperson filming this scene will be a Hispanic Japanese American whose maternal lineage hails from the Kamakura Shogunate of thirteenth-century feudal Japan. Her name is Luciana Okinawa and she identifies as blind so let’s make sure she has a seeing-eye dog present on set. Her agent has assured us that her chosen identity will not retard her ability to film the scene to the studio’s expectations.

Script:

[Kim Spew in her diary; narrated] Dear diary, Rowan James is such a meanie, always calling me a retard. My momma said if I had a penny for every time someone called me that I could cure world hunger. Speaking of hunger, I feel so bad for my Morgy, my shining light. His non-binary condition makes it impossible for him to eat bananas, and my mom said bananas are an important part of a balanced diet. That must be why my Morgy always looks so emaciated. He pulls it off though, my Aryan prince. He’s the best. I mean they’re… they’re the best. I’m just so confused about what altering your pronouns has to do with a banana allergy. But it’s not for me to question or judge my Morgy.

I am not a retard, no matter what that stinking meanie Rowan says. He’s just mad he’s not an AC yet, and probably never will be because he’s such a hater. And he just hates me because I know all about the AC’s holocaust conspiracy with those evil fruit companies to eradicate non- binaries. It’s not those poor folks’ fault that banana sales have been slipping. I mean, they’re such a minority that their inability to buy and consume bananas cannot possibly be affecting corporate profits that badly, can it? And even if that were the case, would a holocaust be necessary? I mean, I don’t think so. My stupid mom just called me a retard when I brought it up with her, and my dumb bigoted hater ex-boyfriend Brenden dumped me because he said I was always so stupid and annoying ALL THE TIME. Fucking hater.

But since I’m onto these terrible bigots at the AC and I’m blowing the lid off their evil agenda, I want to detail everything I know in you, diary, in case something bigoted and hateful should happen to me. One can never be too careful these days.

It all started when those hideous books came out, part one and part two of Take Hyperianism to the Morgue. What a bunch of trolls those online Illuminists are! They even call themselves an army. That’s sooo aggressive it makes me want to puke, just like my precious Morgy did after Without the Mob came out. Stupid book. Stupid haters. I don’t see why they have to dwell on our differences so much. Why don’t they focus on our similarities instead, just like my Morgy does when he says we’re all one mind. He’s all about unity. It’s sooo hot. I mean they’re… they’re all about unity! I gotta stop writing in pen! Blerg.

So, I bought these intolerant books as soon as they came out. Of course, I had no intention of actually reading them because I ain’t got no time for all that hateful reason and Nazi logic those Illuminists like to deploy so much. No siree. I just bought them so I could one-star them on Amazon and cancel them with a scathing review. But then I got to thinking. These AC people say they hail from that old geezer Pythagoras or whatever, and he was like totally into Wiccan magick all the time or something, and something about beans. But then I was like well, maybe there’s some stupid coded message in these books because that’s the sort of thing these dumb intolerant uninclusive secret societies like to do. But they can’t fool me. Not this girl. Nuh uh. I had a hunch that if I got Siri to read the books to me and I recorded it, then played it backward, then the AC’s true agenda would be revealed to me. So that’s exactly what I did. Once I played the recording through in reverse, I picked up on loads of garbled vitriol and hate, but it wasn’t clear enough, so I used Pro Tools and Auto-Toon to clean up the file, then after a considerable amount of cutting and mashing I had what I thought was probably something really evil and mean and bigoted and totally about holocausting non-binaries for fucking over the fruit companies that the AC control using intercontinental magick. Once I had the smoking gun, I uploaded it to my cloud space BUT THEN MY IDIOT HATER EX-BOYFRIEND BRENDEN RYAN DELETED IT BECAUSE IT WAS TAKING UP TOO MUCH SPACE!!!

I almost gave up hope at that point, diary. I was distraught. I didn’t eat a banana for weeks. There was no way I was gonna do all that hard work again. I do have a life, you know. But then I got a genius idea. I hired someone on Fiverr to do it for me, and after I explained to him exactly what I expected the audio to sound like, I got it back within a week, but even better and more detailed than before! Now I had my evidence to take down the AC and all their hateful followers who do nothing but study their books and shit on everyone who doesn’t for being absolute retards. PUKE!

There it is. I’m going out to make copies this afternoon so I can distribute them to local news outlets then it’ll only be a matter of time before I’m on CNN cancelling these Nazi haters and transphobes. Fuck you, AC! I’ve got you by the balls now. I have to hurry though. The Newterramberg rally is only two nights away and I haven’t even packed yet to leave town. If anything should happen to me while I’m gone, tell my mom she’s a bigot and tell my ex, Brenden, he’s a fucking HATER.

I love you, diary. I love how we can live together non-judgmentally in the moment and I can express myself freely without having to worry about deflecting bigotry and hate just for having an opinion, an opinion I’m absolutely entitled to, btw. [Kim screams the ALL CAPS out loud as she violently scratches it in her diary:] YOU HEAR THAT STUPID WORLD?! I CAN BE ME AND YOU CAN’T TELL ME NO!! I DO NOT CONSENT TO YOUR TOXIC OPPRESSION!!! I… AM… NEOGENIAN <3 <3 <3

Kim’s outburst then triggers an argument with her mom who barges into Kim’s room from across the hall. Here, the lighting shall change to the natural light of midday shining through her window. I want the lighting such that it sheens off Kim’s hairy legs, drawing attention to her bestial nature. Again, we’ll issue trigger warnings here, particularly for the straight men on set. I expect Fairuza to own this role which means that Kim Spew’s utterly abhorrent nature will be all too pronounced rendering the straight men on hand susceptible to mild or even violent bouts of nausea. The draft from Kim’s mom throwing the bedroom door open will cause the scented candles on the desk to extinguish. I want the camera to zoom in on the smoke as it wisps up into the air. This will be cut in slow motion, then I want a hard pan to Kim’s mom’s face which will be twisted and contorted with rage. This brief interlude where Kim gets absolutely castigated by her mom for being such a fucking insufferable housemate will allow the audience to sit with their anxious depravity that was induced by Kim’s jaw-droppingly dumb diary entry, setting them up for the horrific denouement of the scene.

Script:

Mom: Fuck’s sake, Kim?! I was in the middle of recording my feet sloshing around in a bowl full of dog piss to upload to my OnlyFans. Your fucking outburst ruined the whole take. Now I have to wait a few days for Bruiser to fill up another bowl! I can’t afford to miss another upload. I’ll probably lose clients over this. You’ve been costing me nothing but money and headaches since you moved in!

Kim: Christ, mom. Why don’t you just piss in a bowl yourself?

Mom: That’s disgusting. And no. My clients pay for the real deal. I pride myself on the quality of my work. Unlike you. When are you getting a fucking job?!

Kim: I told you, mom, I’m helping organize the Newterramberg rallies in exchange for in store credit at the online Neogenian grift market that Fat Jan Erikson manages one night a week.

Mom: Well that sure as fuck isn’t gonna pay for all the bananas you’ve been going through. Or rent! Like, fuck. Who eats that many bananas anyway?

Kim: Errrr…

Mom: You know, reality is gonna kick your fucking sorry ass one day, Kim. And I ain’t gonna be there to pick you up off the ground. Why don’t you find yourself a real man for once? That pussy’s gotta be good for something.

Kim: Fuck the patriarchy!!!

Mom: Fuck you, get out of my house!!!

Kim’s mom slams the door shut behind her and Kim buries her face in her diary, sobbing and whimpering uncontrollably. Now the light will fade back into a submersive experience with laser light refracting through RuPaul’s toxic urine, except instead of the blue laser light from before, we will have an array of Necsel red NovaLum VHP lasers, each blasting eleven watts of 637 nm electromagnetic radiation into the bedroom. Impellers inside the Pyrex tank will agitate the noxious brew to impose a turbulent wavelike effect on the walls of the room.

As Kim’s sobs subside, she will clench her fists, arch her back and, letting out a guttural moan, will glare up at the ceiling, snot and spit spraying into the air. Here, the camera will slowly zoom in on Kim then over to the candelabrum on her desk. The scented candles will spontaneously ignite. Magick. At this moment, the second movement of the Reznor/Ross score will fade in.

Kim will get up from her seat and slowly walk over to her bed in a trancelike state. From under her pillow (which will be sporting a Bananas in Pyjamas pillowcase), she’ll grab three bananas, each inscribed with a name in black sharpie: “Corey”, “Morgen”, and “David”. First, she takes Corey in her mouth, sucking on the banana and smothering it in tears and mucus, then inserts it up her ass. I don’t want to get too bogged down with details, as I want Ms. Balk to let this scene unfold unconstrained and uninhibited, really harnessing the power of The Method here.

With Corey now in her ass, she will take Morgen and start kissing and licking it. Then she will titty fuck it. Bruiser, the family dog, will momentarily scratch and sniff at Kim’s bedroom door, then after some inaudible bitching outside her room from her mom trying to yank the dog away, Kim will roll over on her back, Corey up her ass, and Morgen lying between her pancaked tits. She’ll then take David and drag it across her lips, then after smacking herself in the face with it a little bit, she will start teasing her nasty hairy snatch with the banana, at which point she’ll start chirping like a Capuchin monkey.

Here, I want to cut to a montage as the score starts to intensify. It will depict a younger Kim Spew growing up watching National Geographic documentaries where she gets off on the mating scenes, especially with the monkeys, ESPECIALLY with the Capuchin monkeys whom she is now emulating in her deranged triple threat banana experience.

Slowly fading back to Kim on her bed, she will now have Corey up her ass, Morgen in her mouth, and David buried in her twat, rendering her airtight and suspended in paralyzing spasm, chirping and squealing.

Now we will introduce a strobe effect to the lighting to intensify the buildup to Kim’s utterly retarded yet utterly cataclysmic final orgasm, at which point she will be unrecognizable, her transformation into a Capuchin monkey total. Was this the work of nefarious intercontinental magick?

As Kim melts into her bed in a state of bliss, tears streaming down her temples, she utters softly, “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”

End Scene